Well, yes. Worry seems to have become my constant companion. Admittedly, I come from a long line of worriers. My paternal grandmother worried about her daughter, who had Down’s Syndrome – that she would die before Donna and no-one would take care of her; that Donna would die first and she would have to carry on without her.
My father inherited this predilection for worry. If he’s planning a visit, he starts worrying that the weather will be bad. That his car will break down. That he’ll forget his medication.
But I had stopped the cycle, I believed. I was happy-go-lucky. Laissez-faire. I completely trusted this world to provide what I needed, if not what I wanted. I felt safe in the conviction that my life would unfold as it should.
And then? Well…then I became a parent and around the same time, I started reading about climate change. At first, I looked at it as a social justice issue – aware that the world’s poor and oppressed would be the most negatively affected. But the more I read, the more I realized it wasn’t some far-off problem, it was my children’s problem. And t herefore MY problem.
I hung on every word uttered by James Hansen – the renowned and revered climate scientist who studied climate change for NASA since the 80s.
My trust in the universe evaporated. I worried that it’s too late to truly deliver a habitable planet to my children and to-be-born grandchildren. I worried about the people in developing countries who will see the effects of climate change before we privileged people. I worried that it won’t make any difference – that we’re all screwed no matter our geography or our economic status.
These days, however, I’m trying to recapture my faith and my hope. I’ve always talked the talk that all we ever have is today – it’s our gift, our “present”. Now I’m doing my best to live that.
There are days when I succeed. When I get a whiff of promise and am buoyed by my long-lost optimism.
But then there are days – bleak, grey January days – when I wring my hands with guilt, with despair.
It’s those days that I remind myself of the words of Paul Hawken, brilliant environmentalist and proponent of the green wave of the future who says, “What a great time to be alive…because this generation gets to completely reimagine the world.”
Hopeful thinking…but please. Hurry.